TV, Hot Dogs, and A Good Lesson

I do have the best of intentions on updating this blog asap. However, I did come across a little bit of a glitch, and since we arrived and unpacked our lives here in Massachusetts-we can't find our camera cord to charge it or download our pictures. I know. Dreadful. But since we have been here about a month now, I think it's time to take things serious and go get a new cord. Will do that and then post my saved drafts about our move and new life here. Check.
It is pretty late here, about 12am, but I am having a hard time sleeping-some of that may have to do with the fact that the husband and I have been watching "Lost" now every night almost since we got here and we are hooked. So each night as I am trying to peacefully fall asleep, I have to try and silence all of the intense slash scary events I watched my island friends go through that night. Will I ever NOT be afraid of walking up stairs alone in the dark? Get rid of that feeling that I must run for my life if I am going to make it to stair 16?  No. Probably not at this rate. So as I am sitting up, thinking of everything I can to take my mind off of being scared (yeah-I am overly sensitive to scary or even not so scary movies. Big deal.) I am becoming aware that I am "getting to know myself" better since our move. This may sound funny, but things I may have sat on the fence for earlier, somehow I now am not afraid to move to one side or the other! Brilliant. You may think I am talking about things like politics, or deep rooted beliefs....but I am talking about the more simple things in life. Here is my list of things I am discovering.
1. I don't like scary movies. And I don't like that scary television series can still somehow get me hooked til I have to know what happens next, watch it every night, and go to bed scared. Nathan and I watched the Bourne movie series the other night since they are some of his favorite movies. Then we watched the Italian Job a different night. Everyone talked about the Batman series and how it was a must see- but I feel like I am over these kinds of films. (This may or may not be a phase....is what Nate says). I lately feel like I don't necessarily enjoy all of the same old. The killing, same old "high speed chase" scenes, etc. Whenever I used to talk about these kinds of movies with my guy friends in high school or even now when I refer to a scene in particular that bothered me- like someone exploding maybe- most guys reaction's are similar. "Dude that was awesome..." and they all agree. I say- NOT awesome. Not awesome. I would rather watch "The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" on Halloween than convince my subconscious mind that I am caught in the middle of a murder or have someone after me. If after I watch a movie i get that "icky" feeling- I have no desire to see it again. Pride and Prejudice anyone? Bring on the classics. I am very pro-happy movies right now. How is this a change? Not until I was married, and even more so after I had a baby, did I ever disagree to watching something I may not have necessarily wanted to, just because I thought I would be scared or feel "icky". It was cool in high school to watch scary movies and a chance to snuggle or hold hands. I still have that opportunity now, but would rather hold hands under a more romantic circumstance. I say- no more scary things! Life is too happy!
2. Onto a lighter note, I love to read. I never really gave myself the chance to love it until now! And now I want to read a lot. I want to learn more and more, and if I would have had this kind of realization earlier on in life wouldn't that have been awesome? I am excited about it now.
3. I love to sing. I always knew this, but more so did it because it was my major in college or because it was where my talent lied. But now that I don't have the opportunities to sing like I used to- I miss it. So much. Very little of my time now can be spent focusing on my vocal progression- but my time in the shower is a precious moment when I can sing the roof off this place. Carter usually sings along.
4. My favorite color IS in fact green. When I was younger I couldn't pick a favorite, so I just wound up saying red or blue so that I looked like I was decisive and had a favorite. It's definitely green.
5. I love hot dogs. Not afraid to admit it anymore! I used to be, because I felt like most people thought they were kind of yucky. Silly me! I love me some hot dogs! OH! And while I am talking about food, I love Sausage Egg Mcmuffins. A few other less than healthy foods truly satisfy me, but I won't list out all of them. But I do sing it loud and proud-the nasty foods that I actually like. Judge away.
And lastly,
6. I love being pregnant. This on a more serious note is truly what is on my mind tonight. There is always something to complain about, something to say to hope for the attention of others. Primarily the sympathy of your husband. "My feet are swollen" "I am craving this.." "I am getting so fat-none of my clothes fit anymore" "I am so emotional" "This vitamin is a horse pill and a hoax" so on and so forth. This pregnancy, my complaint would have to be "the headaches". Mercy me, I have never had so many migraines, and genuinely a headache that lasts most nights and stays most mornings and so on. But today was different. I am almost 17 weeks pregnant, and felt my baby first start fluttering inside me around 14 weeks. Since those first few flutters, it has been come and go, and very tough to pick out. Today, I wanted to feel the baby more distinctly- really strong. That was my favorite part about being pregnant with Carter, and I was anxious to feel it again. So this morning I kept a little prayer in my heart that I could feel that today. The day passed, and all I could feel were the beatings on the inside of my head. So as I lay in bed with Nate tonight and felt the continuum of beatings inside my head, I started to whine about how there hasn't been a day in the last 5 weeks that I could remember "headache-less". As I sat there complaining, I was stopped dead in my tracks, as deep in my tummy I felt the most distinct kicks and turns my baby could possibly muster at this point. Before my day was done, Heavenly Father answered the smallest of prayers that a mother could offer. "Please let me feel my baby kick me today". But He knows just how and when to do it. As I felt the acrobatics of my little angel, and joy and excitement overwhelmed me- I was also overwhelmed with a nice dose of humility. It was almost as if little baby could hear my pathetic whines, and was responding back- "but isn't it worth it mommy?". It is worth it. It was a huge reminder that while I complained about something like a persistent headache, I was dismissing the opportunity to be grateful. We all do this now and again, but I have never felt more grateful than I do right now. One of my dearest friends told me before I moved, "If I were pregnant right now at this moment, I wouldn't care how big or stretched out I got or what would happen to my body. I would just be overwhelmed with gratitude." This has stuck with me ever since she said it, and coming from her- I will never ever be quick to forget it. Someone who sees pregnancy and motherhood in the perfect light. Someone who would sacrifice whatever necessary to feel those kicks. I felt ashamed for my complaints, and have learned instead that each time I want to say something negative- instead I think about my sweet friend. "I wouldn't care how big I got." What an important lesson she has taught me! That being pregnant and watching your body change dramatically doesn't have to be seen as a "sacrifice"-rather a gift. And that headache or not, we are so blessed. Her humble statement will be my reminder for the next 5 months.

So with all of this rolling around in my mind, I have learned that I love being a mom. Nothing else, no degree, no amount of money, fame, or acknowledgment could ever replace the sweet and simple joy I feel each day I care for my sweet Carter or carry our second around in my bulging belly. THIS-this is the good life.